Tennis Australia to Introduce Personality Disorder into Talent Identification Programs.

Tennis Australia will search for young athletes with extremely disagreeable personalities to continue the success of Bernard Tomic and Nick Kyrgios and return Australia to the top of world tennis.

An edict from the national body instructs all coaches and Development Officers to add ‘Personality Disorder’ to the criteria applied during talent identification sessions.

“The days of Laver, Rosewall, Pat Rafter and the Woodies are long gone”, explained a spokesperson from Tennis Australia.

“Tennis in Australia has entered a new dynamic with the likes of Tomic and Kyrgios and we need to embrace this new dynamic in the process of moving forward.”

A statement in support of the plan cites the high world ranking of Tomic and Kyrgios and the fact that the very humble and likable Sam Stosur made an unfortunate first round exit from the recent Australian Open.

“The stats speak for themselves.”

The plan includes consultation with both sports and classroom teachers throughout the country.

“We’ll ask all teachers to identify not just physically talented kids but those who are immature, petulant, surly, arrogant, disrespectful, over-indulged and devoid of any class; the more severe the better”, the spokesperson elaborated.

The recent success of Tomic and Kyrgios inspired the new program and drew praise from retiring Aussie star Lleyton Hewitt following his final singles game at the Australian Open;

“Nick, he’s the future of Australian tennis”, he said.

 

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